There is a misconception parents and teens often have that driving lessons should restrict talking to the teaching process. I completely get where this is coming from. We talk all the time about the importance of focus while driving, so it’s not far-fetched to conclude that focus requires silence.
But let me ask you this. Have you ever been engaged in a focused task that requires you to limit your field of vision and your movement? When you do that task in total silence, what happens? Most of us let our minds wander, and some people even fall asleep in situations like that! Even during focused activities, some stimulation is necessary. Brains are tricky. We all need a little “noise” to help us prioritize the task at hand.
Since driving is one of those kinds of tasks, it cannot be a silent activity. Teen drivers should be able to both listen and talk while driving so that their brains stay alert. Of course, commentary on the lesson itself is very important. But regular conversation is also an essential aspect of driving.
Talking is Part of Learning
Talking during a driving lesson, about the lesson itself, is crucial to the learning process. If you are teaching your child to drive, make sure to ask questions. Questions can be quiz-like, or they can be commentary style.
Quiz-like questions confirm your teen’s knowledge or attention to the road:
Who has the right of way at the 4-way stop sign coming up?
What do you need to do before we merge onto Route 309 up ahead?
What color is the car behind us?
Do you hear sirens? Where are they coming from?
Commentary style questions are more about your teen’s grasp of the process:
Describe all the upcoming skills as you use them while we get ready to exit the Turnpike at Fort Washington.
Describe everything you see as we travel down this block.
What will you do as we approach the upcoming intersection?
In both cases, the idea is to have your teen verbalize their experience so that they remember more aspects of the lesson. Verbalization is key! Don’t accept head nods, grunts, and one word mumbles for answers. Follow up their answers with new questions. Make sure to keep the tone conversational rather than condescending or intimidating. Engage wrong answers with a nudge in a different direction so that they can come up with the correct answer on their own. Obviously, use good common sense here. If your teen tells you they are about to do something that violates traffic laws or is unsafe, correct them quickly and directly!
Regular Conversations are Part of Driving
All the talk going on in the car during driving lessons should not be limited to the task at hand. Remember, we’re building skills for a lifetime of independent driving. When you are driving, do you talk to your passengers about topics other than the brake lights up ahead or the color of the traffic light? Of course you do. It’s true for everyone - the task of driving can get very tedious if we don’t have additional stimulation.
When you’re driving with your teen, make sure to pepper in plenty of regular conversation. Once again, use common sense. During the first few lessons, when they are just learning the most basic fundamentals, stick to the teaching. But once your teen is safely navigating the roads, talk about other subjects. Avoid anything that raises tension between you, but try to add some variety that keeps the conversation interesting.
For example, I will talk to my students about their family vacations or holiday plans. I might ask them about their part-time job, sports, instruments, or other extracurriculars. Parents might talk about the week’s meal plan, a sibling’s birthday gift, or go over some errands the teen needs to run that week. They could bring up vacation ideas, or gather interest about upcoming movies and community events. The idea is for the teen to be able to contribute to the conversation without losing focus on the road. The conversations should easily bounce between chatting and lesson-driven engagement.
Conversation as a Life Skill
Don’t lose sight of the fact that these conversations are vital life skills training for your teen, not just driver training. Technology has severely limited in-person social interactions, and teens are unfortunately lacking in basic conversational skills lately. From general banter and small talk to thoughtful and philosophical discussions, your teen needs to learn the art of verbal communication directly from you. They simply do not have all the natural and spontaneous opportunities for it that we did in the days before smartphones.
Think back to your own teenage years. Of course you talked to your friends all the time. But you also talked to their parents at the front door or on the phone. You met with your teachers to talk about tests and papers, while your kids might only be sending emails.You were probably going to stores and interacting with cashiers and other professionals at a much higher rate than your child is today. All those opportunities we had to build our communication skills do not exist for our kids today, so it’s important to provide them.
Appropriate Stimulation for Driving
Notice that I keep using the word stimulation. Stimulation is very different from distraction. Distractions take a driver’s focus off the road, and that’s dangerous. Stimulation provides just enough external friction to keep the brain alert.
The radio is another form of stimulation that your teen driver should use while you’re still in the car for lessons. They will use the radio once they are on their own, so they should get used to it now. Set safe driving habits around the radio. It should be kept at a volume that allows the driver to carry on a conversation with a passenger, which should also ensure they can hear outside sounds as needed.
Coach your teen on discerning the difference between stimulating noise and distracting noise. Some people can drive while listening to talk radio or podcasts, and some find that really distracting. They need music in order to find their concentration zone. Not all music is the same, either. If your teen is prone to belting out the lyrics into a fake microphone with their eyes closed, they might need to curate their playlist to something less inspirational.
It’s all really about finding the right balance that works for each individual driver. Your teen’s abilities will change over time. They will adapt as they mature and gain experience behind the wheel so that some distractions become manageable stimulation. It’s important to keep driving with them even after they have their license so that you can continue providing guidance about lifelong safe driving skills.
If you’re every bit as nervous as your teen about the prospect of driving, and you’re not sure you’ll be able to carry on a good banter, check out The Parent’s Survival Guide for New Teen Drivers. I developed this resource to help parents create a calming, positive learning experience for their teens. For more support, consider Professional Driving Lessons. My team of driving coaches are highly trained to help your teen become a safe driver.
Comments